But most of us know the difference between being respectful and rude, right?
Maybe we just think we do.
But according to Jodi RR Smith ofMannersmith Etiquette Consulting, a verbal thank you simply is not enough.
You also need to send a note.
Etiquette expertLisa Grottsadded, “Planning and giving parties is a lot of work.
Sarah E. Kidder ofSarah Kidder Designsis an event planner and expert on event etiquette.
Sincere thank you notes do not have a lot of ‘I’ included.”
Then there’s the note itself.
According to Devoreaux Walton of The Poise Pursuit, a proper thank you takes a pen.
They were long notes, all about the writer.
Those were hard to read at that time, especially as a grieving young adult in shock."
She believes it is rude to wait until the last minute to RSVP.
Or better yet, have something sent in advance.
Grotts explained that until you are finished eating, you should probably keep your napkin down.
The napkin is placed loosely to the left of the plate at the end of the meal."
She explained, “When using utensils, verify you are holding them properly.
The soup spoon should always be held like a pencil.”
Grotts added that you should scoop your soup spoon away from you, not towards you.
After all, who doesn’t love a good excuse to drink?
But even a fun toast is a prime opportunity to make an etiquette faux pas, explained Grotts.
“Never toast yourself at a gathering.
This is the host’s job.
you’ve got the option to say thanks after you’ve been toasted.”
So keep quiet about your pride.
At least for a few minutes.
It also turns out that timing is everything, according to Adeodata Czink ofThe Business of Manners.
Grotts says this can cause a major conflict of etiquette.
“If you’re a dinner guest, eat what is served unless you’re allergic to that food.
If you don’t care for something, pretend to eat by mixing the food on your plate.
you’ve got the option to always have seconds.
[And] take small bites when eating.”
When it comes to the main course, Grotts suggests keeping an open mind.
It may already have the perfect amount of seasoning."
But the right dining etiquette isn’t limited to what you eat, but alsowhenyou eat it.
Grotts noted how you physically sit at the table is a reflection of your respect.
“Remember your posture at the table.
Straight versus slumped, c’mon!”
And don’t forget one of the worst mistakes that too many people make today.
Grotts also made another important point that applies to so many of us today.
“Do keep dinner conversation pleasant.
Avoid topics that might make anyone feel uncomfortable.”
According to Pejic, sometimes those mistakes happen even before you go out on the date itself.
Ideally you should ask them in person.
If that is not possible, ask them over the phone.
you’re able to text them to see when they have time to talk."
For example, ‘I hope you are having a good day so far.
I got your phone number from your friend Susie.
I would like to get together when you have time.’
“People find it difficult to say no as they think they are being hurtful.
Understand social cues and refrain from contacting this person again.”
Another topic that came up in our conversation is whether men should hold the door for women.
Gottsman has a modern take on this.
“Socially, a man has been taught to pop kick open the door for a woman.
Or, hold it open in general just to be polite.”
Luckily, Grotts has some good suggestions.
Or give unique gifts, such as homemade jam or pickled veggies from your garden."
However, Grotts has a foolproof and prudent approach.
Then there is the age-old question of whether it is okay to re-gift.
“Re-gift without fear.
Just confirm to rewrap the gift with new wrapping paper, ribbon and a card.”
Wedding gifts are another topic where the etiquette can be dicey.
She told me, “Tipping at a restaurant has increased for satisfactory service.
The old suggested tip was 15% of the bill.
Walton noted the importance of not just tipping your waiter, but also tipping the valet.
“Free valet parking does still require a tip.
Many people think tipping a free valet is not required.
Standard practice is $2-5 for each encounter, for both the drop off and pick-up.
