No relationship is perfect.
In fact, therapy can be a great tool even when therelationship is going well.
In fact, there are several common mistakes people make when considering getting couples therapy.
Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed “fix” when it comes to relationships.
Change takes time and effort, and it requires the commitment of both partners to make lasting improvements."
Stephanie Mintz, a relationship consultant atStrategic Relationship Consulting, agrees.
“Just showing up to the sessions isn’t going to fix everything,” she says.
Often, couples end up choosing the first couples therapist they find or the closest therapist to their home.
What they may not realize is that each couples therapist has his or her own strengths and weaknesses.
And the individual therapist you choose matters.
“Couples therapy is delivered differently based on the philosophy of the therapist.
In fact, it might even be months before you notice any changes at all.
So, how longwillit take?
Well, that depends on your issues and your approach to the therapy itself.
“This means it will take time to work through those difficulties.
Mintz agrees that therapy shouldn’t be about determining who is right and who is wrong.
Playing the blame game isn’t going to help you.”
Many couples assume that therapy is covered by insurance but it isn’t always so simple.
In other words, couples therapy often isn’t covered by insurance.
Murray also explains that insurance companies typically pay less for family therapy than they pay for individual psychotherapy.
“A low reimbursement rate is a major barrier that consumers might be unaware of,” he says.
Davis-Fainbloom suggests that couples look into the expenses involved in couples therapy before committing to any sessions.
“However, skimping on therapy because of cost may not be the best decision in the long run.
Investing in your relationship is ultimately worth the investment.”
Unfortunately, seeing a general therapist as a couple rarely works.
“This is a huge problem.
Couples come into the therapy room because they’re in a crisis.
They yearn for direction and clear feedback.
More, they want an advocate for their relationship.”
Davis-Fainbloom agrees that looking for a specialist is always the best route.
Simply put, someone trained specifically in couples therapy will always give the best service.
Many couples even come to their first session with an outcome fully formed in their minds.
However, this can be dangerous and unhelpful as expectations can make the process even harder.
“Having an outcome in mind before you begin couples therapy can be a mistake,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
“Couples therapy is about the relationship and what is best for the relationship,” she says.
Not being open to letting yourself change
Therapy is all aboutopening yourself up to change.
However, when you are considering couples therapy, you may be hoping that yourpartneris the one who changes.
As Murray explains, couples therapists tend to get better and better over the years.
Apparently, this is unusual in the world of therapy.
That’s the ugly truth about our profession.”
However, it’s different with couples therapy.
In other words, don’t make the mistake of looking for someone with impressive qualifications.
While these may help, one of the most important things to look for is often experience.
In fact, this may actually do more harm than good.
In many cases, couples find that they need more therapy in the future.
Mintz even describes therapy as a “good start” rather than a solution.
“Relationships always take effort, but it can be enjoyable effort.”
“If things don’t change, things won’t change,” says Mintz.
It is best to get help right away.
The sooner you try couples therapy, the better!
“Couples therapy isonlyfor couples who are leaning into the relationship,” Murray says.
“A couples therapist is hired to be an advocate for the relationship.
That’s my job.
Davis-Fainbloom agrees that only couples who are going to give therapy a fair go should try it.
