Ah, the ’90s the decade that sets your nostalgic and sentimental heart aflutter.
Times were much simpler then.
It was a different world.
If you were girl in the ’90s, you probably remember playing Girl Talk.
Here are some things your younger self definitely didn’t catch.
Those zit stickers are pretty scarring
Remember when a single zit could ruin your whole day?
You’re not alone.
Girl Talk: A Game of Truth or Dare plays right into that insecurity in amajorway.
Oh, no!"
These zit stickers were cruel and unusual punishment for girls who were already insecure about their skin.
Plus youhad to keep them onfor the entirety of the game and they had to be visible.
Holy stereotypes, Batman!
Girl Talk: Date Line is what teenage dreams are made of.
Take Danielle, for example.
She’s an adorable brunette wholovesperfume and pep club, buthatesgetting up early.
Fair enough who loves getting up early to get to class?Oh!I bet Gert does!
Gert has horn-rimmed glasses, soobviouslyshe loves algebra and Latin.
Homer also wears glasses, loves computer club and collecting bugs, and hates sports and school dances.
It’s almost like Homer and Gert are a match made in stereotypical nerd heaven.
Imaginary boys are jerks, too
Whodidn’tlove middle school?
What’s not to love?
If only we could always be 13 years old (said no one, ever).
Girl Talk: Date Line provided a much-needed escape from crying over real boys to crying overimaginaryboys.
Did you have a hard week at school because your crush rejected your invitation to the middle school dance?
Don’t worry Kirkalsodoes not want to go on a date with you.
He loves Kung-fu movies, hates dressing up, and looks like the bully from every ’80s movie ever.
“Glare suspiciously at the player to your left.
Whitewashed much?
Because, you know, everyone was white in the ’90s.
Nicole is blonde and loves summer vacation.
Tanya is blonde and loves the beach.
Nicole and Tanya arethe same person.
Honestly how many white, blonde girls does one game need?
What is this, an episode ofThe Bachelor?
It will haunt you for the rest of your days.
But, if you’re a risk taker, this cringe-fest is essential viewing.
“Kelly’s not goofy like theothergirls,” he says to the camera.
Could it be that Kellyisgoofy like the other girls, after all?
“I play to win,” she says to the other players.
Umm, do you evenknowKelly, dude?
The girl plays to win.
Boys will be boys and girls will be… women?
According to the instructions, you get an “extra special treat” if you win.
Let’s flip over a top-secret fortune card from the marriage pile.
“You will marry a man with the same initials as your favorite uncle,” it reveals.
Let’s try one from the children category.
“You will give birth to identical twins five days after your 23rd birthday.”
“Uh, mom, what does ‘give birth’ mean?”
In fact (according to the instruction manual itself), onlyone personcan have it all.
So, what exactly does “having it all” entail?
Score all four, and you’re totally a winner!
If you don’t have all four well, you’re a loser.
You may be a doctor, but are you married?
Well, that’s what having zit stickers all over your face will get you.
What, did you think sleepovers were for telling scary stories and french braiding your friend’s hair?
Now call this imaginary boy and ask him on a date.
Well, opening a Girl Talk board game is like opening a time capsule to your most embarrassing years.
Did we just step into Narnia, circa 1994?
Kids these days would need a translator just to get through the game.
“What’s this weird, white brick thing with a cord … All of the ’90s nostalgia aside, the makers of Girl Talk left no room for anything but heterosexuality.
They even color coded the genders to make it easier boys are on yellow, girls are on pink.
Don’t get it twisted, or you’ll lose!
Could theybeany more generic?
Their distinguishing characteristics leave a lot left to be desired.
For example Matt loves math and football, and hates haircuts and double-dating.
Adam loves girls and hates country music.
Trentlovescountry music, but he hates heavy metal music.Whoa information overload!
What will they have left to talk about on a date?
Also c’mon, Girl Talk.
The guy hates shopping!
It says so on his card!
Where are the dudes who love social justice and being nice to their mothers?
I’ll take one of those.
Honestly, I’d much rather hang out with Jessica and daydream of boys with some substance.
