It is a universally known fact that relationships take time and effort.
While it is hard work to form and maintain a relationship, breaking one up is quite easy.
Chances are that you have seen at least some of these universal habits around you.
We sat down with licensed clinical psychologistsDr.
Dive in to learn more.
Unhealthy patterns like denial or projecting can have drastic impacts on your relationship.
“These are all unhealthy relationship strategies.
“All of these strategies are defense mechanisms.
It’s hard to connect with our partners if we’ve built a fortress around our psyche.”
“Holding ourselves accountable is one of the most important ways to stay well.
It also shows that we are reliable and mature, which builds trust in the relationship.”
It is also very important to avoid the temptation to minimize or justify your behavior.
Inability to see your partner’s perspective
People like to feel heard, valued, and understood.
Everybody wants a partner who understands them.
“Seeing another person’s perspective doesn’t even mean you have to agree,” explained Dr. King.
“It just means that you are providing the felt experience of being seen.”
A little empathy can go a long way.
Eventually, this leads to a stronger, more compassionate bond between the partners.
This is because comparisons stem from the preconceived notion that other peoples' relationships are better than yours.
This is not fair to either your partner or yourself.
When you prioritize your relationship, it sends the message that you are serious about your other half.
They feel unimportant and undervalued.
Thesefeelings build up to resentmentand your partner distancing themselves emotionally.
Together you might choose the next course of action.
This can help all the parties involved avoid a lot of mental agony and frustration.
Lack of forgiveness
Being unforgiving is really harmful and toxic in romantic relationships.
This makes it really hard for both partners to feel safe and supported.
This is especially true when your partner has done all the things necessary to make it up to you.
“Lack of forgiveness often means that we are holding on to things and keeping score.
This will lead to resentment,” Dr. King warned.
“Resentment breeds mistrust and conflict.”
Lack of open communication
Good communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships.
Miscommunications are one of the major reasons that lead to arguments in a relationship.
With open communication, partners can reduce unnecessary relationship stress.
The difference between “We have a busy Saturday coming up.
Maybe we can find time to hang out after dinner?”
and “We haven’t been able to spend time with each other lately.
I really miss you.
I’d like to spend a few days on Saturday with you.
Given how busy Saturday is, what time seems reasonable to you?”
can be more than you imagine in a relationship with busy partners.
“It may seem subtle, but the second comment is much more clear.
It communicates the need in an honest, open, and vulnerable way,” clarified Dr. King.
This can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.
Keeping secrets from your partner
Trust is a key factor in any healthy relationship.
Secrets could manifest in many ways in a relationship ranging from lying about your finances to half-truths during arguments.
“Context is so important,” Dr. King explained to us.
It goes without saying that this is a horrible dynamic for anyone to feel in a relationship.
“Your partner may start to withdraw or shut down,” Raja drew a portrait for us.
“Are you being fair to your partner?
Are you respecting their boundaries and needs?
Are you communicating in a way that is respectful and empathetic?”
Dr. King explained to us how this habit can destroy a relationship.
A healthy relationship requires quality time and attentiveness from everyone involved.
Attentiveness is an essential component of attunement.
Attunement is the ability to “tune in” to our partner’s emotional state.
“That’s how we feel seen and heard in relationships.
If you are distracted, you don’t have the ability to attune,” she said to us.
“You quite literally miss cues and information when you are distracted,” Dr. King agreed.
This creates a higher ratio of negative interactions than positive ones.
This depletes our emotional bank account.
Trying to change your partner can lead them to resent you and eventually drive a wedge between you.
Trying to change your partner will lead to resentment and fatigue,” confirmed Dr. King.
